Page 670 – “‘…is still preserved of ancient lore among the Rulers…’”

Woah, it’s been a long time since we had any sort of an extended history lesson. We get one today.

You see, Faramir is not totally ignorant of the past. He tells Frodo that the rulers of Gondor have passed down lore for generations, ever since the first Steward took over from the last of the line of Anárion. He and Boromir learned much of this lore, although Boromir was always concerned with why his family could not be considered kings after so many years had gone by without the return of the true line of kings.

Game of Thrones: what happens when Sean Bean is a whole lot more honest about the true line of kings.

However, Faramir brings himself back on track, mentioning that these ancient books and scrolls are what originally brought a certain grey wizard to Minas Tirith. Gandalf liked to go over their histories. Unfortunately, Frodo has to inform Faramir of Gandalf’s fall. Oops.

First Mentions:

-Mardil: The first Steward of Gondor, who took the throne in regency. So that makes him Faramir and Boromir’s great-great-great…etc. grandfather.

-Eärnur: The last king of Gondor. He died childless, riding off to some battle or another. That was dumb.

It feels like a common trope: you have two brothers, learning from the past, but one thinks that things should change a little bit instead of always being done one way because “that’s always the way it’s been done”. In a right/left sense, Faramir is conservative and Boromir is liberal. Conservatism is championed in this world. You don’t want to go around changing tradition. I’ve seen a theory about how Sauron stands for industrialism, and his constant pursuit of new technology is his evil. Keep it simple, stupid.

KISS, for effect.

Also, we get a preponderance of different names for Gandalf! Two of them I’ve never even heard of before. That’s crazy. Let’s take a look at them…

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Mardil

-Eärnur

-Tharkûn

-Olórin

-Incánus

Those last three are Gandalf’s names. Tharkûn is from the dwarves, Olórin from the Valar, and Incánus from the mysterious south. I haven’t heard Tharkûn or Incánus before, but Olórin is pretty commonly known as his true name, if that’s what the Valar call him, anyway.

No one dies today.

“‘I saw him fall into the abyss.’”

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Page 668 – “‘And now the horn of the elder son lies in two pieces…’”

If it lies in two pieces, how many pieces is it really in? Three? Just one? LYING PIECE OF…pieces.

Frodo is scared now. If Faramir tells the truth, and Boromir was slain, then how fared the rest of the Fellowship Company? Did they too fall in a battle? Well, let’s logic this out.

NO, says Faramir. At least someone survived to give Boromir a burial in the boat. Stop freaking out. As for right now, Faramir should, according to his laws, kill Frodo and Sam. He won’t it seems, but they can’t be allowed to travel in this country, especially not after the ambush. The land will be closely watched by Sauron soon. Faramir will take Frodo and Sam to a safe place, that the enemies have not yet discovered.

Change “GirlS” to “OrcS” and you can keep the acronym!

See, not everybody’s dead! Yay! Just Boromir! And we’re kind of okay with that!

…ouch.

I kind of didn’t even think of the fact that Frodo and Sam have no idea what’s been happening to their friends all this time. Sure, they don’t know that Gandalf’s alive again, but who’s to tell them that everyone else is perfectly safe? And if they actually knew what craziness Merry and Pippin have been put through, they’d be crazy anxious to hear any news of their safety. Really, Boromir got a quick and easy death. Merry and Pippin had to be basically tortured by orcs for days on end. That’s not so great.

Neither is this.

At least Faramir isn’t going to just kill Frodo and Sam. That would end the story pretty quick. But…

No one dies today.

“‘In the morning I will decide what is best for me to do, and for you.’”

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Page 667 – “Faramir looked closely at it.”

It shouldn’t be surprising to anyone that Faramir wants to learn more about Boromir’s death. Unfortunately, there isn’t much more for Frodo to say. He suggests that possibly it all was truly a vision, made by Sauron. Faramir denies this. Sauron’s magic brings about fear, terror, and hatred. Seeing Boromir’s body brought Faramir only sadness.

*Christmastime is here…*

In addition, the Horn of Gondor washed ashore in two pieces, and was found by two men in real life. Boromir would not have dropped the horn if he were alive to keep it. Something bad clearly happened.

Faramir also seems a little preoccupied with the dastardly murder of Boromir. Okay, um…so he’s dead, in a world with mischievous orcs running wild, and we’re worried that he was killed maliciously? Yeah, that would happen, but it’s not like you’re going to bring the orc who killed him to trial.

Whatever, Faramir also waxes dramatically about all the questions he would have asked about his intentions and how he managed to travel to Lothlórien. Don’t forget, men hadn’t really ever gone there. Ever.

And that clearly didn’t stop anyone.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-infalls

Nevertheless, it seems that Faramir isn’t angry with Frodo for whatever reason. He’s just sad. And sad is okay. Feelings are good, they mean you’re human.

FARAMIR ISN’T A ROBOT, YOU GUYS!

No one dies today.

“‘Strange chances, but murder will out, ’tis said.’”

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Page 659 – “…shadow of the dark bay-trees, two men remained on guard.”

I’m going to be writing this as I sit with my roommate as he finishes the first season of Game of Thrones. This should be good.

Nevermind. I finished this first.

LolzerBEANs.

Today in Middle-earth, Sean Bean is already dead. Faramir has left Frodo and Sam with two guards, who seem friendly enough. They get to talking, and the two men explain that their purpose is to sneak around on this side of Anduin and cause trouble for Sauron’s forces. They have word that a company of men is due up from the south, and they plan on ambushing them.

Oh, so that’s backwards in the movie then.

First Mentions:

-Mablung: One of the guards. This name doesn’t sound like a real name AT ALL.

-Damrod: The other guard. His name sounds a little too much like “Nimrod”, so I laugh at that.

-Umbar: Region south of Gondor, ruled by corsairs.

Speaking of this new place, Mablung and Damrod tell the story of an old alliance between Gondor and the men of the south. Though they were never quite friends, the south did see Gondor as a ruling entity some long years ago. However, with Sauron’s power ever growing, the Southrons (as they call them) moved to make alliance with the Dark Lord. They now move freely in the lands of Ithilien, once governed by Gondor, but now under the hold of evil.

For some reason, the roads of Ithilien always remind me of Rome’s Appian Way.

Unfortunately, Mablung and Damrod don’t have a very optimistic look about this war. They see Gondor failing. Not surprisingly, then, they refer to Sauron with the capitalized “He”. Ah, so this is how Sauron’s evil works on the minds of simple men.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Mablung

-Damrod

-Southrons

-Umbar

So…will there be oliphaunts?

No one dies today.

“‘He leads now in all perilous…’”

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Page 654 – “‘Not make the nassty red tongues,’ hissed Gollum.”

Just so you know, that has nothing to do with making faces, and all to do with fire.

But what about a face…OF FIRE?!

Naturally, Gollum has a big problem with Sam’s intent to cook the rabbits. Raw is better! They argue for a while, with Sam truthfully saying that, if Gollum won’t eat the lembas, it seems fair that Sam shouldn’t have to eat raw rabbit. Gollum sulks away to see if he can catch his own (raw) meal, but Sam soon calls him back. He wants herbs and such to cook the rabbits with. Gollum has even more issues with this. Then Sam starts to lecture him on the comings and goings of potatoes.

PO. TA. TOES.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 71 – “Minus points for lack of knowledge about potatoes.”

No, before we get into it, I do not know if Sam will utter the colloquial “Boil ‘em, mash ‘em, stick ‘em in a stew” line. Seems too much like it came from the movie rather than the book. Stay tuned, though.

Of course, potatoes aren’t in season, which is probably the biggest conflict of the novel so far. HOW DARE THEY? Sam wants potatoes for the stew, badly. Unfortunately, Mother Nature doesn’t seem like she wants to cooperate. All this time we’ve been worrying about Sauron and his dark plans, but now the true nemesis is revealed!

This is a real thing.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-carrotses

-ta

“Ta”, as in the second syllable of “potatoes”. I went back and forth over whether or not I should consider that its own word. I decided, as this is more of an act of computer shaming than anything else, that we might as well make fun of it for not recognizing this. SHAME.

No one dies today.

“‘What’s more, if you turn over a new leaf, and keep it turned, I’ll cook you some taters one of these days. I will: fried…’”

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Page 651 – “As they walked, brushing their way through bush and herb…”

Things get better. Less death around. That is, until Sam stumbles into a burned pile of death.

But that would lead them…home!

Frodo, Sam, and Gollum have found a nice little hollow with a stream coming out of a clear pool. The plant life is vibrant around here, much to Gollum’s dismay. With a cool drink and a bit of a wash, everyone wanders off to find a good resting place. You can’t deny that the site is under the sway of Sauron, however, with markings cut into trees. This is when Sam finds a clump of charred bones, probably the dump site of an orc meal. He scurries back to Frodo, and, instead of bringing that up, decides to point to higher ground for their rest.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 79 – “The fact that you can’t stand fresh plants is funny to me.”

That’s our road for now – a fair country with hints of an evil presence. Something is rotten in the state of Ithilien, and it’s not just the bodies.

Oh…wait. That’s kind of what Hamlet refers to in regards to his father’s dead body. It’s all about bodies.

AND, what’s more, that line is spoken by Marcellus. The more you know.

I challenge you to say that without the accompanying jingle.

Even with that, we can take a rest and not worry too much about the danger that is so close at hand most of the time. Hey, and that’s exactly what the hobbits are planning on doing! Seems like a good place for it.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-odours

I don’t like them either.

No one dies today.*

(*TODAY, that is. Some people we’ve learned about have died previously. But no one dies TODAY. Not today.)

“Sam had been giving earnest thought to food as they marched.”

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Page 642 – “‘…conquered it long ago.’”

Yesterday, I was trying to figure out why the road past Minas Morgul would be safer than the Black Gate. That’s what today answers.

Sam voices the very concerns that I had. Why bother traveling so much longer and further south when the outcome is probably going to be the same. Sauron watches every way into his kingdom, yes?

According to Gollum, this way isn’t watched as much. Yes, Sauron knows everything that goes on along this road. Yes, there are terrible things in Minas Morgul. You get it. However, Sauron holds the crossings of Anduin. He would look there first, where an army would have to fight its way across, or take a large amount of boats. Both would be obvious.

Unless, you know…stealth boat.

Gollum continues to fight off Sam’s questions, ultimately saying that, while this is a long shot, so is EVERYTHING THEY’RE TRYING TO DO. One does not simply walk into Mordor! We’ve been over this. Everything is going to be wildly difficult, but you have to try something.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 82 – “This makes so much sense! Thanks!”

Remember when I brought up the fact that Gollum refers to Sauron has “He” with a captial “h”? Godlike, it seems. Frodo and Sam haven’t done so. Sauron is just another dude to them. Not so starting today. Sam brings in the capitalization, interestingly enough. Is that a symptom of spending a lot of time with Gollum and his strange perspective? Possibly. I can’t imagine that Sam’s opinion of Sauron is changing drastically, but this is just one of those things that you can do in writing to emphasize certain things. I’ll keep an eye on that.

SO WILL EYE.

In case you were wondering, Sauron only speaks in capital letters. Interesting…

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Moontower

Silly mashed-together compound noun words. They cause so much trouble.

No one dies today.

“‘But if master says I must go or I will go, then he must try some way. But he…’”

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Page 641 – “…unnerved him. It was not easy…”

It’s tough to get any hard information out of Gollum. He twists and turns, much like the road he’s trying to describe. As it turns out, they need to take the west/south road from the Black Gate. After a while, you’ll come to another crossroads. The road turns west to Osgiliath, where it crosses Anduin. South it goes to the mysterious lands of hot sun and evil men. What about that? Let’s talk about that. That’s important!

BLERG.

Frodo gets Gollum back on track, where he remembers that the eastern fork from this intersection heads up to the mountains, and a tower. The Tower of the Moon! Let’s talk about the old legends of Gollum’s people! NO.

Yes, this road leads to Minas Morgul, née Ithil, where Sauron overthrew the great tower of Gondor.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 64 – “Getting off topic is annoying, but there’s something redeemable about it.”

So…this road actually makes sense! When the men of Gondor built Minas Anor and Minas Ithil, they needed roads to connect them to each other with Osgiliath in the middle. There you have it. Of course, with evil overtaking Minas Ithil over time, that portion of the road became disused and forgotten. It’s now just another way to simply walk into Mordor, but a whole lot less open to attack than the Black Gate. You can’t assault Minas Morgul like you could the Black Gate, so people probably don’t think of it as a way into Mordor anymore. Besides, it’s horribly evil now. Worse than the Black Gate.

By comparison.

There’s something sad about Gollum remembering the stories of his youth. He’s still in there somewhere, and this is why he can connect with Frodo and Sam. Again, he’s part hobbit. Were he not twisted around by the ring, he might just be an okay dude. Hypothetically speaking.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-squeakings

I always wanted to see what the other lands (east and south) of Middle-earth were like. It’s sad that today’s page has one of the better (and extremely brief) descriptions anyone ever gets.

No one dies today.

“‘Well, master, there it was and there it is: the tall tower and the white houses and the wall; but not nice now, not beautiful. He…’”

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Page 640 – “…light of day, so near to this vast menace…”

It’s ultimatum time, and Frodo seems to be a little more aware of what’s going on than what either we or Sam thought.

First of all, Frodo admits to starting to trust Gollum. That’s nice. However, he warns of a danger to Gollum. Not the vague “danger” they’re all in, and not directly from Frodo or Sam, but the danger that the ring poses to Gollum.

But it looks so nice and safe!

The ring knows Gollum. It’s been working on him for generations, and the poor guy is completely twisted by its power. Should Frodo, the ring’s current master, order Gollum to do something, it will be hard to refuse. In fact, it would be nigh unto impossible. Gollum must be careful.

This talk brightens Sam up, who had previously thought that Frodo was ignorant of Gollum’s desire for the ring. Gollum, meanwhile, has the pants scared off of him, and can’t do anything but grovel and mutter. Oh well. Let’s get going!

Today’s Gollum Meter: 58 – “Looking better.”

Yet again, here’s Frodo talking about how he holds all power over Gollum. That ring is really taking hold, huh? Here’s what I would like to see: Frodo mentions that he could possibly put on the ring in a time of great need. Were he to command Gollum then, his full power would be used. Does it work that way? Yes, a mortal being wearing the ring turns invisible, but do they also gain the power over wills that Sauron imbued the ring with? Okay, well I don’t really want to see Frodo do that, but I do want to see Gollum being ordered around by a disembodied voice. Sounds like fun.

Pretend the guy isn’t actually visible and you’ve got it.

And yet once again, Gollum is stuck on the ground, muttering incoherently. This is becoming quite the pattern. I’M GETTING SICK OF IT.

No one dies today.

“But Gollum was in a pitiable state, and Frodo’s threat had quite…”

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Page 639 – “Whether there really was another way into Mordor Sam doubted.”

No decision’s coming yet. While Sam goes over Gollum’s possible ideas in his own mind, Frodo stands looking at the Black Gate and lands before them. Roads converge from each direction. Looking more closely, Frodo can see armies marching to Mordor. No, they aren’t allies of theirs coming to attack Sauron, but evil men from the east, coming instead to join with the dark forces.

Those are the eyes of the “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” philosophy.

First Mentions:

-the Eastlands: Um…yeah.

Somewhere in the back of Frodo’s mind, he wanted the trumpets to be ringing in alarm. Was an army approaching to attack, giving them the cover to slip in during the chaos? It’s not the worst idea, but it’s not what’s actually happening. Of course, at the time, the narrative implied that the trumpets were sounding for the changing of the guard. Now it’s to greet the Easterlings? Okay, whatever.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 56 – “No real comment to make. Stay frosty.”

In case you were wondering, there are three roads that come together at the Black Gate. One comes from the north, which Frodo and Sam might have tried to take if Gollum had not led them through the Emyn Muil and the Dead Marshes. Another comes straight from the east, which is probably what these men have just arrived on. The last road takes a turn west and south, making its way between Anduin and the western mountains of Mordor.

And all roads lead to evil.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-trenchlike

-Eastlands

No reference to WWI implied. Wait, Tolkien fought in WWI? Hm…

No one dies today.

“As if suddenly made fully aware of the peril of their position, alone, in the growing…”

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