Page 682 – “‘…but first tell me only, if you will, whither you wish to go…’”

Conflict resolution, and an end to the chapter. We’re all friends now.

As pictured: Faramir and the hobbits.

Frodo, now trusting Faramir, admits that their goal is to take the ring into Mordor, and destroy it in Mount Doom. Frodo, overcome, passes out. Faramir carries him to bed, and has another set for Sam, who tells Faramir that his choice not to meddle is the right one. Faramir reminds Sam of Gandalf, and it’s safe to say that that’s a great compliment.

If you’re comparing a near stranger to Gandalf, it’s quite clear that you’ve become friends. Unless Sam is throwing that around lightly (and we’ve noticed that his decision making isn’t the best sometimes), it’s very high praise for Faramir. For his part, Faramir has remarked that Frodo has a sort of elvish air about him, so the compliments have been mutual. He did also praise gardeners in the Shire earlier, so Sam gets a small piece, too.

And that’s all you get.

We can all sleep now in peace, as friends. Friends are good. Hobbits are friends, not food.

Were they ever food?

No one dies today.

“‘Maybe you discern from far away the air of Númenor. Good night!’”

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Page 681 – “‘…call, and the Ring of Rings.’”

Not to fear, Faramir isn’t as big a jerk as most other men are. And Sam’s failure can live to fail another day.

He puts on a bit of a show, but Faramir backs down, letting Frodo and Sam know that he has no intent to take the ring from them. He (somehow) understands the peril and evil of this ring, and that he must not be tempted by it. He praises Frodo, and all of hobbit-kind, for being so strong to carry such a horrible thing. Their homeland must be a wonderful and peaceful place.

Not so. The sheep have invaded.

They laugh about the esteem of gardeners in the Shire, and all the men in the cave who were alerted to a conflict resolve themselves to assuming that it was just a joke. Faramir bids Frodo and Sam to rest, safely and at peace. No harm will come to them here.

So…Faramir did know about the existence of the ring, eh? He acted so oblivious earlier to what “Isildur’s Bane” could possibly be. Did he really not know? What else could it be? Ah, yes, there was always the possibility that it was a large man in a mask, who once threw Isildur in a prison pit after breaking his back.

When Gondor is ashes, then you have my permission to die.

And, ultimately, there’s praise for Sam, and the gardening profession, after his latest mistake. That’s a freebie. How long can he keep doing this before it really catches up with him? If this was a world of karma, he’d have accumulated such bad luck that every step would be more likely to make him trip and break every bone in his body. You can’t live that way. He needs to learn this! Now!

No one dies today.

“‘Go now to rest -…’”

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Page 676 – “Now more torches were being lit.”

As a general rule, food is always good, and especially so when you’ve been roughing it on lembas and very little else for the last few weeks. Faramir has Frodo and Sam woken up (well, just Frodo, really) to eat dinner. To the two hungry hobbits, it’s a feast.

More food than you know what to do with.

Sam gets laughed at for washing his whole head before eating, but he’s just tired of being dirty all the time. At dinner, the hobbits feel awkward for not having a cool custom like standing and looking west to honor ancient Númenor and the lands beyond. Their only custom, bowing for their hosts and thanking them, isn’t all that special. Faramir says that the men do that too. After the embarrassment, the hobbits eat. They don’t refuse seconds.

Who does refuse seconds, anyway?

It’s something that’s been long forgotten since we’ve spent so much time with this group of people, but hobbits are slightly under-cultured. It’s cute, in the beginning, and part of the reason why hobbits are endearing as a race. Their innocence is sometimes their biggest strength. Instead of brooding over lost lands like these men are, hobbits live in peace and ignorance. Some get grumpy about knowing too much, even. Not Frodo, though, ever.

How do I get my hands on this?

What will keep a hobbit from being grumpy? Food. And there’s plenty of it today. Again, another reason why Faramir isn’t a bad guy. Bad guys don’t feed their prisoners well. Do I need to keep proving that we can trust him? He’s okay.

No one dies today.

“‘You may soon desire to sleep,’ he said, ‘and especially good Samwise, who would not close his eyes before he ate – whether for fear…’”

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Page 653 – “‘Sméagol always helps,’ he said.”

Somehow, Sam has Gollum under his beck and call, and he now sends him off to fill his pans with water. While Gollum is gone once again, Sam gathers kindling and starts a fire, not to mention staring at the sleeping Frodo some more.

He isn’t looking so good.

Once the fire is lit, Gollum returns again. He spits and hisses, probably at the fire.

Because he’s Gollum and that’s what he does.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 72 – “At least it’s all mildly endearing.”

None of this is before we get a little bragging about Sam’s cooking. All hobbits can cook, of course. Their culture apparently places more value in chefsmanship (I made that up) than literacy. Even with that, Sam is considered a good cook among hobbits. His talents have been useless so far, but it looks like he’s finally going to get a chance to prove his worth. He’s mostly failed at that so far. Besides, he’s lugged his pots and pans such a long way! Why not finally put them to good use?

Speaking of which, Sam threatens Gollum should he damage the pans in any way while fetching water in them. THEY ARE IMPORTANT TO SAM.

Probably non-stick, too.

If only there was a good way to judge Sam’s cooking for us readers. Tasty literature! I demand that this be the next technology invented in the art of writing! Nooks and Kindles are so way behind the curve.

No one dies today.

“‘Mustn’t do what?’ asked Sam in surprise.”

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Page 646 – “…horn blew on the ramparts of the Morannon.”

And now for something lighthearted. Frodo, Sam, and Gollum hear the men move off, and they can relax a little. When Gollum mentions that they were probably men from the south, Sam can only ask one thing: were there oliphaunts?

Gollum is confused. To elaborate, Sam recites a poem about the legendary beasts.

He neglects to mention their dancing.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 67 – “You’re losing points purely based on your ignorance of the oliphaunts.”

Okay, so this is unique! I can get behind it. Sam stands up, assuming the “speaking poetry” stance, and recites a little ditty about oliphaunts. Yes, these are just elephants, but more exciting. He goes through the typical descriptions – grey, big, floppy ears, etc. He also talks about how one couldn’t fathom their existence without actually seeing one. However, once you’ve seen one, you won’t forget it.

Pretty much.

It’s all because hobbits have this strange fascination with oliphaunts, even though they don’t seem to be interested in too much else outside their own world. Of course, Sam takes any fascination to the next level, just like how he was obsessed with meeting elves way back when the journey was just beginning.

Now, even though Gollum has talked so much about knowing all sorts of things because he’s been around for a while, he doesn’t know a thing about oliphaunts. What’s the reason for that? He already said that his people had stories about the southern lands. And nothing about oliphaunts? That, I don’t understand.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Morannon

-oliphaunts

-Oliphaunt

No one dies today.

“And I never lie.“

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Page 641 – “…unnerved him. It was not easy…”

It’s tough to get any hard information out of Gollum. He twists and turns, much like the road he’s trying to describe. As it turns out, they need to take the west/south road from the Black Gate. After a while, you’ll come to another crossroads. The road turns west to Osgiliath, where it crosses Anduin. South it goes to the mysterious lands of hot sun and evil men. What about that? Let’s talk about that. That’s important!

BLERG.

Frodo gets Gollum back on track, where he remembers that the eastern fork from this intersection heads up to the mountains, and a tower. The Tower of the Moon! Let’s talk about the old legends of Gollum’s people! NO.

Yes, this road leads to Minas Morgul, née Ithil, where Sauron overthrew the great tower of Gondor.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 64 – “Getting off topic is annoying, but there’s something redeemable about it.”

So…this road actually makes sense! When the men of Gondor built Minas Anor and Minas Ithil, they needed roads to connect them to each other with Osgiliath in the middle. There you have it. Of course, with evil overtaking Minas Ithil over time, that portion of the road became disused and forgotten. It’s now just another way to simply walk into Mordor, but a whole lot less open to attack than the Black Gate. You can’t assault Minas Morgul like you could the Black Gate, so people probably don’t think of it as a way into Mordor anymore. Besides, it’s horribly evil now. Worse than the Black Gate.

By comparison.

There’s something sad about Gollum remembering the stories of his youth. He’s still in there somewhere, and this is why he can connect with Frodo and Sam. Again, he’s part hobbit. Were he not twisted around by the ring, he might just be an okay dude. Hypothetically speaking.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-squeakings

I always wanted to see what the other lands (east and south) of Middle-earth were like. It’s sad that today’s page has one of the better (and extremely brief) descriptions anyone ever gets.

No one dies today.

“‘Well, master, there it was and there it is: the tall tower and the white houses and the wall; but not nice now, not beautiful. He…’”

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Page 637 – “…from their hiding-place to the black summit of the nearer tower.”

It sure has been a while since I had a post up after midnight, but it looks like I’m headed that way. I’m sorry, but there was an American Ninja Warrior marathon my friends and I were watching. And it was SO GOOD.

CLIMB, MAN, CLIMB!

Meanwhile, Frodo, Sam, and Gollum are left staring at the Black Gate. The morning trumpets blare out the changing of the guard. Sam can only think of the horrible things that the Gaffer would call him for being so dumb to come here, while Frodo is determined to find a way in. If no one else wants to come with, that’s just fine. Gollum pleads with Frodo not to try this entrance. There must be another way, and the last thing Gollum wants to see is the ring fall right into Sauron’s hands. Heck, just give it to Gollum to keep safe, right?

Today’s Gollum Meter: 56 – “I appreciate the helpfulness, but I can’t help but feel that you’re being a little too conniving.”

I really also can’t help but see the picturesque nature of the Black Gate right now. The sun must be rising, with the calling of the day-guard. Problem is, it must be cloudy in these parts, and probably grey and gross in terms of light. Oh well. You can’t deny that the wall must be grandiose, even if it’s basically pure evil. Sorry, but I like to bask in the grandeur of things.

Casual basking.

Oh, and did I mention that Gollum is worried that Sauron, if given the ring, would EAT EVERYONE? He says that. He’ll eat the whole world, in fact. Be on the lookout for that. Because apparently Sauron turns into Pacman when he has the ring. Who knew?

No one dies today.

“‘Hobbits go home. Don’t go to the Gate!’”

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Page 614 – “‘It doesn’t sound as if he knew we were here…’”

There’s something satisfying about watching Gollum plummet to the ground. He does that, as he loses his grip on the cliff. However, what is head-slappingly unsatisfying is watching Sam leap at the sprawled creature, hoping to bring him to justice, maybe? This fails horribly. Even though he’s been a bit stunned by the fall, Gollum still has the upper hand on Sam, and nearly chokes the life right out of him before Frodo runs up, brandishing Sting.

SAM! Now you’ve upset the bunny.

This leaves Gollum wailing on the ground, and Frodo and Sam now have to decide what to do with him.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 31 – “Extra points for always being on your creepy, creepy toes.”

Did Sam not listen to Frodo saying earlier that Gollum is probably stronger than he thinks? True fact. Remember, this is a dude who’s been hunting orcs in dark caves for generations. An unwary hobbit is nothing to him. Especially one that he’s been hunting already. Sam even blows their cover a little bit by talking right before Gollum falls. He knows they’re close. He’s ready. It’s not that hard for him to expect some sort of attack.

Not to mention, this is Sam attacking. It’s not exactly going to be vicious.

I’m terrified.

Instead, Sam goes and nearly gets himself killed. AGAIN. When will he learn? If it’s not soon, it’s going to start being a stretch that he remains alive for this whole journey. We can’t get too in love with Sam’s ruralisms to forget that he’s mortal. With this many mistakes mounting up, he would be ripe to be killed off if we didn’t already know that he makes it to the end. So much for tension.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Hsh

-unlidded

-smouldered

-hobbitses

-mices

-yess

What, that isn’t the proper plural form of “mice”? Lame.

No one dies today.

“‘Tie it up, so as it can’t come sneaking after us no more, I say.’”

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Page 611 – “‘…hammers!’ he said. ‘Noodles!’”

After all the success of climbing down this cliff, Sam can only worry about the rope. Now it’s stuck there! Is there any way to get it down? Won’t Gollum just use it to clamber down after them as easily as possible? These things are no good! He strokes the end of the rope sadly, saying goodbye.

Exchange that panda for Sam and we’ve got it.

What’s that? The rope comes right down! Frodo ridicules Sam for his poor knotting technique, though it seems apparent that the rope had elven magic in it to untie it at need. Nifty! The night seems happier now, though the moon is only half-full.

First Mentions:

-Andy: Sam’s uncle, the Gaffer’s oldest brother. A boringly-named connoisseur of knots.

-Tighfield: Town in the Westfarthing of the Shire, where Andy and his rope-antics thrived.

And what kind of hobbit-culture is this? First off, Andy (short for Andwise) is a boring name for a hobbit. I guess I could say the same about Sam, but I knew about his full name being Samwise already, obviously. I didn’t catch on to “Andwise” until I looked him up just now. In the text, simply calling him “Andy” is straight up lame. Also, him being a avid rope artist is mighty strange. Apparently this is where Sam learned all about tying knots, which is why there’s no way that his knot fell apart just now. If there’s one thing Sam isn’t humble about, it must be tying knots.

Don Knotts: relevant.

Today’s Gollum Meter: 25 – “You’ve chilled off recently. Stay that way, please.”

It’s super nice to end a page feeling good for once. All this doom and gloom, now that we’re back with Frodo and Sam, and you quickly forget that things aren’t going terribly for everyone. I think they might even forget for a moment how the marshes coming up are going to screw with them. Well, at least the stars are making them feel better about that looming terror. Thanks, stars!

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Tighfield

No one dies today.

“‘I don’t think we’ll try the marshes by the light of half a moon.’”

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Page 597 – “‘…are the Thrihyrne peaks like black spears.’”

Ah, yes. The majestic Thrihyrne peaks. Remember those? HAVE YOU BEEN LISTENING?!

You know…those mountains.

Pippin is quiet for a while during the ride. He hears snippets of Gandalf singing and humming to himself, and asks what that’s all about. Gandalf responds that he is refreshing his memory of some historical events, primarily concerning the seeing-stones. He explains to Pippin that they were once made by elves long, long ago, and are beyond the power even of him or Saruman. Long forgotten except to a few men who retained bits of memory, Sauron was able to turn some to his evil uses. This must have been how Saruman was corrupted. He never told the Council about his palantír, and has since paid the price.

First Mentions:

-the Rhymes of Lore: In a society where books aren’t as easily accessible, songs and poems have been remembered to pass down knowledge. How very Greek.

-the Noldor: Ancient elves who lived in Valinor. Counted as the best craftsmen, they were the second clan of elves to awaken into the world.

Interestingly, “Noldor” is spelled as such in the text, but I most commonly see it around other sources as “Ñoldor”. I’ve never been sure how to pronounce that, and I’m going to stick with the spelling that it looks like the original Lord of the Rings uses.

But…wait. What’s this? A song! We haven’t had one of those since like November!

Tolkien Songs In Real Life:

Of the many songs Gandalf seems to be going through, this is the only one we see lyrics to, as it is the only one that Pippin can understand.

“Tall ships and tall kings

Three times three,

What brought they from the foundered land

Over the flowing sea?

Seven stars and seven stones

And one white tree.”

With the debut of my new mandolin, I present:

Watch On

(Carry On – Fun.)

SoundCloud? What did you do? Your new website design is horrifically slow. Please try again.

Anyway, I got a mandolin! That’s fun. I’ve been holding out for the next song to come up to use it to record, but that was a really long break in between there!

Wow…this experience with the new SoundCloud is really bumming me out right now. I’m forgetting what I wanted to say.

My rating.

Ah! Pippin does mention that hobbits may have some recollection of these Rhymes of Lore. They’re not much for history, but apparently some things do get passed down. However, he says Gandalf wouldn’t be much interested in the hobbit lore.

Um…has he met Gandalf?

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-palantíri

-Noldor

Every word needs a strange plural form ending in “i”.

“‘What did the Men of old use them for?’ asked Pippin, delighted…”

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