Page 670 – “‘…is still preserved of ancient lore among the Rulers…’”

Woah, it’s been a long time since we had any sort of an extended history lesson. We get one today.

You see, Faramir is not totally ignorant of the past. He tells Frodo that the rulers of Gondor have passed down lore for generations, ever since the first Steward took over from the last of the line of Anárion. He and Boromir learned much of this lore, although Boromir was always concerned with why his family could not be considered kings after so many years had gone by without the return of the true line of kings.

Game of Thrones: what happens when Sean Bean is a whole lot more honest about the true line of kings.

However, Faramir brings himself back on track, mentioning that these ancient books and scrolls are what originally brought a certain grey wizard to Minas Tirith. Gandalf liked to go over their histories. Unfortunately, Frodo has to inform Faramir of Gandalf’s fall. Oops.

First Mentions:

-Mardil: The first Steward of Gondor, who took the throne in regency. So that makes him Faramir and Boromir’s great-great-great…etc. grandfather.

-Eärnur: The last king of Gondor. He died childless, riding off to some battle or another. That was dumb.

It feels like a common trope: you have two brothers, learning from the past, but one thinks that things should change a little bit instead of always being done one way because “that’s always the way it’s been done”. In a right/left sense, Faramir is conservative and Boromir is liberal. Conservatism is championed in this world. You don’t want to go around changing tradition. I’ve seen a theory about how Sauron stands for industrialism, and his constant pursuit of new technology is his evil. Keep it simple, stupid.

KISS, for effect.

Also, we get a preponderance of different names for Gandalf! Two of them I’ve never even heard of before. That’s crazy. Let’s take a look at them…

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Mardil

-Eärnur

-Tharkûn

-Olórin

-Incánus

Those last three are Gandalf’s names. Tharkûn is from the dwarves, Olórin from the Valar, and Incánus from the mysterious south. I haven’t heard Tharkûn or Incánus before, but Olórin is pretty commonly known as his true name, if that’s what the Valar call him, anyway.

No one dies today.

“‘I saw him fall into the abyss.’”

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Page 585 – “‘…Mordor, and yet he still dreams of riding the storm.’”

Our time here with Saruman is done, as evidenced by the shrieking coming out of Orthanc. It seems that Saruman has discovered Wormtongue’s folly in throwing that black orb out the window. We’re going to leave them to their bickering.

Returning to the broken gate, our heroes come across Treebeard, and Gandalf introduces the three hunters to him. The ent welcomes Legolas to walk in Fangorn. However, Legolas explains his deal with Gimli to visit Fangorn together, along with the caves behind Helm’s Deep. Treebeard is…less than eager about a dwarf entering Fangorn. Especially such a smooth one as Gimli, who drops his axe on the ground as he bows in respect.

The ents will surely look upon that fondly.

Treebeard had assumed that Legolas would want to bring other elves with him. Since elves have such a close relationship with trees, I guess that Treebeard is okay with all of them. Dwarves, on the other hand, are known for digging, mining, and all sorts of construction. That runs counterpoint to what a shepherd of the trees would want to see around their lands. So…how does Gimli gain the favor of Treebeard? I think we’ll just have to wait and find out.

Meanwhile, what is Gandalf’s plan for Saruman, even after all this war is ended?

Nothing. Simply nothing. Gandalf does not want to control the world, obviously, and one cannot take down Orthanc without great power. Should Saruman hole up in the tower, that would be his decision, and Gandalf would not try to force it down around him.

Orthanc: the anti-Jenga.

Everything is okay for now. Since we’ve moved past negotiations with Saruman, we can joke about how dwarves are silly and shouldn’t be allowed in forests.

“‘This is a strange friendship!’”

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Page 579 – “‘…ance of the House of Eorl.’”

Saruman’s plan of action is pretty clear: play the victim, and convince Théoden that Gandalf’s ideas will lead him into ruin. That should work, right?

Maybe if he forgets that whole army you sent against him…

Frighteningly, the plan starts working. Théoden is unable to speak, and his men feel in their minds the need to agree with Saruman. In this hesitant moment, Saruman holds sway over all. Gimli speaks, briefly angering Saruman and breaking the spell, although the wizard calms himself down and gets back to work again. This time, Éomer speaks, pleading with Théoden to remember Gandalf’s warning.

Oh yeah, Gandalf. Why doesn’t he just pipe in and tell Théoden to do something? I guess it has something to do with that “Don’t meddle too much in the affairs of mortals” thing he has. Bugger.

In the scheme of things, however, this shows just how powerful Saruman is. It isn’t just the lesser men he’s reaching, but Théoden as well. Possibly not as strongly, but even the king is moved by his voice. The more Théoden hesitates, the more time Saruman has to work his magic. It happens in most action or sci-fi movies: don’t let the captured evil person speak, or he’ll just wreak havoc on your mind.

This is your brain on Saruman.

Does Gimli have more power, as he can speak out at first? Maybe. Dwarves are known to be a sturdy folk. But, are they the Toydarians of Middle-earth?

No. Because Toydarians are stupid.

“‘Have we ridden forth to victory, only to stand at last amazed by an old liar with honey on his forked tongue? So would…’”

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Page 577 – “‘Well, we shall see, perhaps.’”

Mm…yes. Quite.

Haters gonna hate.

Everyone arrives at the foot of Orthanc, the black tower looming menacingly over their conversation. Gandalf leads the way up the stairs to the door, with Théoden following. He wants to bring Éomer along with. Gandalf brings Aragorn as his second, and expects no one else to join. Joke’s on him! Legolas and Gimli want to come, too, as the only elf and dwarf present. Okay, you guys.

Meanwhile, all the riders sit uneasily outside. Merry and Pippin are there, too, wondering if their presence is even necessary. Why did they come on the journey in the first place?

Cheer up, lads! Hasn’t this been exciting? The battles with orcs, capture-times with orcs, hanging out with orcs…wasn’t that all fun?

Perhaps not. Well, anyway, now is no time to be bemoaning their situation. Gandalf has warned against any sort of levity. In solidarity, perhaps I should end levity as well.

GOOD.

JK, levity is awesome.

Besides, what else are Merry and Pippin good at? Honestly, they’re the most comic-relief type characters in this book. Other than Tom Bombadil, of course.

Casual Tom Bombadil reference.

What do I want to say tonight? I feel like I have something…but I’m running out of ideas as I type. Bollocks.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-chiselled

Just like Chris Malleo.

“‘What did we come for? We are not wanted.’”

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Page 548 – “‘The Caverns of Helm’s Deep!’”

This whole conflict between elves and dwarves is slowly getting smoothed out between Legolas and Gimli. While Legolas worries that the dwarves would come and strip the caves, Gimli explains their work in a way that an elf would understand. The dwarves would take care with the caves, only digging and mining small amounts at a time, and for the most part with the intention of opening up new chambers not yet discovered.

Hopefully without awakening a dragon.

Legolas warms to the idea, and proposes a pact. Should they survive this war, they shall travel together. Gimli will go with Legolas into Fangorn, and Legolas will take a look at these caves. Gimli agrees, though he still doesn’t like Fangorn.

And so they pass out from under the surprise forest. Gandalf says that Isengard is about 15 leagues away, but they will not rush it. He apparently was there last night, and knows a bit what they may find upon arrival.

First Mentions:

-the Glittering Caves of Aglarond: The proper name for these caves. Why Aglarond? I don’t rightly know.

Wait…Gandalf was at Isengard last night? Just, casually? He definitely has to know about the ents’ attack, if he didn’t already. I’m assuming that he wants to give the battle time. Why bother rushing to Isengard when they might only arrive just in time for another fight? The longer he takes, the better the chance that Gandalf won’t be leading everyone into more danger.

Well…the page ends in a three-star break, so it looks like we’re jumping ahead. Maybe by tomorrow we’ll already have arrived.

Wake me when we get there.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Aglarond

Remember those times when Legolas and Gimli basically hated and mistrusted each other? LOL.

“‘Yet I think that you will not say that the journey was in vain – not though the Glittering Caves of Aglarond be left behind.’”

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Page 547 – “‘Not of all that go on two legs,’ said Legolas.”

I just completed a proper christening for my new television: watching Fellowship. I believe the next two movies will follow over the next two days.

Meanwhile, our textual odyssey continues. Legolas believes that these mystery trees have come from Fangorn, which makes Gimli despair. He finds few things fair at the moment, as he has just witnessed the beauty of the caverns of Helm’s Deep. He soliloquizes about their majesty.

Ooh…cave!

Gimli thinks that dwarves would pay a high price to see these caves, though Legolas says that he would pay to be let out. Yes, elves and dwarves differ in their preferences for enclosed spaces. Was that not clear?

The caves themselves sound pretty cool. Light enters through marble, splitting into various colors among the cavern walls. Water dripping glimmers in the light, and the space is…spacious. The halls and chambers go on forever. Oh, what a city could be built here!

I’m starting to notice that Gimli notices a whole lot of beauty in the world. First, Galadriel, and now this. I don’t know if it’s this common for dwarves to take note of these things, but he’s making a habit of it. In fact, he speaks very well in these terms.

The big question: what is prettier, Galadriel, or the caves?

I mean…

Gimli forgives Legolas for not believing in the caves’ glory. I don’t think he really does forgive him, but they’ll work it out. Gimli clearly is in such awe of the caves that he won’t take no for an answer. Let’s just let him ride this one out.

“‘There is chamber after chamber, Legolas; hall opening out of hall, dome after dome, stair beyond stair; and still the winding paths lead on into the mountain’s heart. Caves!’”

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Page 536 – “…them. Ere long they were hemmed in…”

Now is the sad part where I have to come down off of how great yesterday was. Please bear with me in this troubling time.

It’s just another day of battle. Ho hum.

With their victory over the sneaky orcs, Gamling asks Gimli if he can help stop up the hole in the wall through which the orcs got in. Sadly, dwarves don’t do their best stonework with axes and hands, but Gimli at least helps all the men pile up rocks to mostly block the drain. The Deeping-stream pools behind it in the valley, nearly dammed. Afterwards, Gimli returns again to Legolas, touting his 21 kills. Legolas smugly admits his 24 or so.

He didn’t choose the smug life.

Meanwhile, the battle has lulled a bit, as the orcs have realized their brief failure. Dawn can’t be too far away, though that hope is probably all for naught. These orcs, Gamling reports, have no fear of sunlight. Neither do the hill men, of course.

Um…so I don’t have another movie review today. I’m really sorry. What else can I say?

Is this where we learn about the Uruk-hai, and their strength under the sun? That is, of course, the reason why they were made: to be stronger than the average orc. These very orcs were the ones able to carry Merry and Pippin across long stretches of the Rohan plain in daytime. Saruman has bred them to his purposes.

Just like the best purebred Rottweilers.

However, it is nice to see a break in the action. Why not give everyone a minute to rest? With the dawn just breaking, the momentum could swing our heroes’ way. Not that they have much of an advantage anyway, but at least they can gain some hope. Gamling apparently doesn’t like hope, so he shoots that down.

Gosh…no more countdown! I guess I stopped yesterday, but I was too busy thinking about other things to care. Now, I care.

“‘Yet there are many that cry in the Dunland tongue,’ said Gamling.”

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Page 535 – “…Dwarf. ‘But I am content.’”

BLERG THE HOBBIT AHHHH!

I have a lot to say about that, but we’ll do that after I get through what I have to say about today’s page.

I’ll get there as fast as I can.

So…Helm’s Deep battle! Gimli returns to Legolas on the wall, and the death count game is on! Gimli has killed two orcs. Legolas? More like twenty. He’s been shooting arrows at them all night.

Meanwhile, the storm is finally letting up, but the attack isn’t. More orcs are coming, and this time with ladders. They try to scale them up the wall, but most get pushed back down. The dead pile higher and higher. The men of Rohan are getting tired, arrows are running low, and not even Aragorn can continue rallying their confidence.

But some orcs have slipped in. Crawling through the drainage hole in the wall, a group has been hiding in the shadows. Now, they attack the horses and their guards, further up the valley. Gimli leaps to attack there, as does Gamling, bringing men from the Hornburg.

Woo! Things are getting tense. The orcs don’t care about much more than attrition. They clearly know that they have the men outnumbered, so all they have to do is wear the defense down. It’s working. Add in the little things that dismay the men: ramming the gates (new rams have shown up, by the way), sneaking in behind, and just plain persistence. It’s not a bad battle plan, when you don’t care about how many of your own forces you’re going to lose. Evil characters can get away with that.

Ah, the conveniences of nameless henchmen.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Ai-oi

-Helmingas

Yes, Helmingas. Like Eorlingas, but from Helm. Sons of Helm. Sons of Helm, helming Helm’s Deep. Helm it, you Helmingas!

But…today was never really about Lord of the Rings…

THIS IS THE POINT WHERE YOU STOP READING IF YOU DON’T WANT ME TO SPOIL THINGS ABOUT THE NEW HOBBIT MOVIE. BUT IF YOU READ THIS BLOG, YOU MAY KNOW THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN THE BOOK. BUT JUST IN CASE.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, And Why I Liked It: A Special Feature:

Oh, that was good. Were you worried? Have you been told off by too many people/critics that it doesn’t do the previous movies justice? They’re wrong.

I’m sorry, but were you expecting perfection just like the end of the Lord of the Rings trilogy? No, that’s not what I expected, and it’s not what I needed. Bring me back, Peter Jackson, just bring me back to that wonderful world you showed us all. And you know what, he did. Easily.

The tone is there. The epic scale, which I’ve heard people gripe about because the story doesn’t necessarily call for it, is also there. Here’s what I think: The Hobbit as a book isn’t grand? No, not quite, but that’s really just because Tolkien wrote it before his world of Middle-earth was crafted. Does it fit into that narrative? Yes, but it wasn’t initially intended to. So, it has always felt a little smaller. However, there’s nothing stopping it from being connected right to that beautiful, grandiose world. It’s right there! So, I don’t have any problem with adding all that backstory. It doesn’t slow down the film too much, and, I like it, so I don’t mind it being there. I read one critic who said that the film was a bit too much like an encyclopedia of Tolkien’s world. And let it be! That sounds great! Let’s watch it.

Filler image to break up the text!

That aside, the other complaint I was worried about was this whole frame rate thing. Hands down, this movie is gorgeous. I wasn’t jarred by the higher quality. The 3D was used pretty well, in my limited opinion. Everything just looks so darn good. Success!

As for the little added things, they mostly worked. Azog is everything that Darth Maul should have been. I saw a video about how Episode I could have been better, and it mentioned having Darth Maul live so that Obi Wan has a known antagonist that we get to follow and amp up tension about. Oh, we’re doing a prequel trilogy to a successful trilogy made some time ago? Let’s have that! Peter Jackson did what George Lucas failed to do. At least in that respect.

Other things…Lindir! We made fun of him earlier! He gets to show up. There’s that wonderful story about Bullroarer Took inventing golf, and Lobelia Sackville-Baggins stealing Bilbo’s spoons. Totally happened. Radagast has a rabbit sleigh, which is neat. His favorite hedgehog, Sebastian, may be my favorite character in the film. And why not have Radagast be the first one to notice something strange about Dol Guldur? He lives nearby anyway!

There’s one thing I was sad about: Thorin’s father Thráin isn’t found by Gandalf in the dungeons of Dol Guldur. Instead, the map of the secret door in the Lonely Mountain is obtained some other way. But why not put Thráin in Dol Guldur, thus further connecting this storyline to the “Necromancer” (Sauron) at Dol Guldur? Heck, Sauron takes Thráin’s ring there, one of the Seven.

All in all, I loved it. Was that unclear?

“Their onset was fierce and sudden, and the Orcs gave way before…”

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Page 532 – “‘This is more to my liking,’ said the dwarf…”

And before you know it, the battle is upon us.

Legolas and Gimli are sitting on the battlement, discussing plans for the battle. Gimli wishes he had hundreds of dwarves. Together, they could build such a strong wall as to keep any army at bay. Legolas wants elven archers. What better fighters could there be? But for Gimli, it’s too dark for archery.

Shoot that guy over there!

They wait, slowly seeing the flames of the torches of the orcs approach. A battle breaks out at Helm’s Dike, and the retreating men report the host of orcs scaling the trench, although they were so shot up with arrows that they have extinguished their torches. The night is dark, but lightning flashes, igniting the valley with light. The ground crawls with black orcs moving silently forward. The thunder rolls and the rain begins along with the battle as arrows come flying at the stronghold.

So it begins.

What a good place to end the page, am I right? And the imagery is solid. Without their torchlight, the orcs have vanished into the blackness, but a lightning strike does the trick to illuminate them for a brief second. It’s that same trick that a lot of horror/thriller movies use. You can’t see this terrifying thing in the dark, but the lights flicker on for a moment, showing the awful thing that’s approaching.

Plus, rain makes everything more exciting.

That’s why it always rains in racing games.

In related news, it’s so nice now that I have a handle on how Helm’s Deep is laid out. Helm’s Dike is officially in front of the Deeping Wall and everything else, and that makes sense. I can’t imagine trying to describe a battle if I didn’t understand how everything was situated in relation to each other. I would make a bad general.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Westfolders

Origami is big in the western part of Rohan.

Days Until The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: 3

“Arrows thick as the rain came whistling over the battlements, and…”

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Page 529 – “…the feet of the Hornrock it wound…”

Newsflash! We’re not actually at Helm’s Deep yet. I got confused, and that whole description of it yesterday was just looking ahead, I guess. We’re just on the road there. I’ll let you know when we make it.

Now, our heroes are currently just in the beginnings of the valley that ends in Helm’s Deep. Scouts come reporting back to the riders, talking of the wolf-riders and other orcs ahead. The men of Rohan are scattered, some dead and some trying valiantly to fight their way to safety. Gandalf has been seen, inspiring the troops, but always riding quickly away. Some have seen Wormtongue as well, riding with orcs. All the while, an orc army more than double the size of all the men gathered is making its way south. Éomer wants to cut down the orcs between them and Helm’s Deep, which Théoden agrees with, wanting to hole up in the stronghold as best they can. Éomer takes Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli with him, riding at the front.

So, you see, we’re still a ways out from Helm’s Deep.

It’s in there…somewhere.

First Mentions:

-the Hornrock: That’s the spur of mountain that the Hornburg is built on. They all have similar names, which is both helpful and confusing.

-Helm’s Dike: The name of the wall crossing the gorge from the Hornburg to the opposite cliff face. Just another thing jam-packed into this valley.

Also, Helm’s Deep is known as the Deeping-coomb, making it more confusing. I’m okay with things having multiple names when each one is in a different language or something, but these are all in the Common Tongue! It’s like the difference between a proper noun (Helm’s…) and a generic term turned into a name. Too many for me.

Now, what’s also hard to keep track of is what’s going on at the moment. It’s safe to say that this series of events is quite different from what happens in the movie, where Théoden decides right off the bat to head to Helm’s Deep, and Éomer is off riding with his men in a completely different part of Rohan.

Gotta track down all those wildgeese!

In the text, we’re only going to Helm’s Deep to give aid to those who have already sheltered there, and an army stands between the riders and the Deep. Different, I say! This guy Erkenbrand may or may not be at Helm’s Deep, and it sure doesn’t look like Aragorn is going to get thrown off a cliff by an orc played by the guy who eventually ends up playing Nori in The Hobbit.

Really. Same guy.

Words My Computer Didn’t Like:

-Hornrock

-Deeping-coomb

-hornblasts

And they bring up the caves behind Helm’s Deep for the first time today. Gimli’s future kingdom!

Days Until The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey: 6

“On through the dark night they rode, ever slower as the darkness deepened and…”

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